I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let's get the cat blown out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
