You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
