Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
