stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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