ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
