Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
