bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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