so explain again why im purple
no
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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