he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
