even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
