I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
