I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
