There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
