wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
