so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
