Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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