At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize