Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
