Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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