after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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