the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
