his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize