The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Randomize
