I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
