did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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