i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
