After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
