she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
