My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
