So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
