there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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