she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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