where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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