i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
