i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
