are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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