I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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