Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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