Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
