If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
