His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
