he shaved USA in his pubs
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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