you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
