If that was your dad, he is hot
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
