Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
