so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
