I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize