I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Blood and glitter go together right?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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