Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
