JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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