i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
