i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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