I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
