i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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