I love black thongs
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I think i got beer on your cat.
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