dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
sex in a hospital.. check
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
