i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
