I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
