she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Did I show you my penis last night?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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