dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
