We won't sleep together?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
