What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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