At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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