I'll bet she douches with gravy.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
