Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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