I faked an abortion last night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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