Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
