I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
