before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
