1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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