People with herpes should wear stickers.
if only i could text you this smell
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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