tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
