and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Randomize
