i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
People in love make me want to vomit
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
