You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
