omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
