You made me cry and you don't even care
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
