Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
