Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
