Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
