so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
