i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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