I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I want you more than these girls want KFC
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
