She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize