Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
